Sunday, April 25, 2010

Littering in the dark.

In the dark, outside my apartment, cars circle and stop to park in the lot. I have watched them from the first floor before. They will sometimes park in pairs, one facing the road and one away from the road, so that the driver side windows are close. I see the burn of a cigarette in the dark and have heard the drivers of the cars talk to each other. Who these cars belong to is not known. If they are the private security police, as I suspect, a balloon full or water or maybe a firecracker would be appropriate. Wherever the cars park on the lot, the tell tale signs of a meal eaten remains in the morning; fast food packages and bags litter the space.

Less than a block away the paper reported an assault last week. A woman walking from the Kroger store with a bag of groceries pushed down and her purse stolen. It was at night about this time. Were the police cars circling down there that night too?

I think I will go sit on a bench and wait for them to come tomorrow night. Then stepping from the darkness I'll approach and inquire as to what exactly they are doing parking here on the lot instead of patrolling. I have no fear they will shoot me. The private security police aren't allowed to carry guns.

Saturday morning I got to see some friends and meet a new one at breakfast. There was a time when every Sunday I'd have breakfast with a constant though changing group of friends. We did that for at least six years and then stopped. That was a time when after Dennis died and I had finally gotten free of Roger, I could count on being in the company of people who meant me no harm and helped me function in the world. I had been a wife for over twenty years and though we had friends, they were couple friends. When I started seeing Roger I walked into his room and closed the door. I don't lay blame in this for I know I was a willing victim. The fact still remains, my breakfast friends saved me.

It took a long time for me to feel good in my own skin. I've often told people I could write a book about all the things not to do when you are widowed. I think I broke every rule and made every mistake. There isn't a way to warn someone though. I made mistakes and I forgive myself for them.

Today was a beautiful morning. Having gone to mass yesterday afternoon, I was able to relax reading the paper and listening to the CBS Sunday program playing as background music. Lenny came over and we read the paper together, eating bagels and drinking coffee. It was a lovely day. His daughter is having her first cook-out at her new home this evening. He said he was going to like her hamburgers and hot dogs, even if they were inedible. I told him that was expected of Dad if he was a gentleman. He is, so it won't be a problem!

My friends are such a blessing to me.


  1. You could just go outside, find yourself a big ol' mushroom, sit down underneath of it, lean back and fold your arms behind your head and SMILE. It works in my world.

  2. go up to them knock on the window and ask them if they'd like to buy some crack..hahah

  3. I like Yellowdog Grannies comment! It never enters my head her in the UK as to whether a policeman (or anyone else)will shoot me. Robin Williams did a funny gag about it once saying that the police in England were ineffective as all they could do was say "stop! ... or I'll say stop again!" He had a point.

    Your group of friends sound lovely; sometimes they're all you need. I don't know your background or history but Roger sounds like a dick.

  4. I hate litterbugs. We live across the street from our subdivision's playground. People will sometimes drive up and park to eat. One day someone did, and I watched as she rolled her window down and threw her Subway trash in the street in front of my house. I don't f'n think so! I went out, picked it up, and found her car. I threw the trash on her hood and drove off.

    I hope you catch them.

  5. Yes, there's couple friends, mommy friends, work friends. Good to have friends for all occasions, especially brunch friends.

  6. i wonder if the security guys are doing a crossword puzzle or sudoku?

    nah, they're probably scratching themselves and dreaming of alcohol.

  7. billy: I figure they are eating Big Mac's, talking to their girlfriends on their cell and smoking.


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